Tonight this year goes to an end. All of a sudden I feel like I want to think about what has happened in 2018 to find an end and also be ready for a new beginning in 2019. It seems like this year was one of the biggest years ever for me. I am thinking of self-growth. So many challenges came my way and I put myself into the biggest comfort zone challenge ever in the middle of this year.
When I think back of the beginning of the year, I was looking forward to having my younger son home too, from the end of May on. I was thinking about all the freedom we would have during our normal days, the three of us, me and my sons. This seemed to be the biggest change I was foreseeing for our future…
And then all started to get much more interesting. We took our annual trip to Germany to see family and friends in June. It was really nice to have my husband join us for a third of the trip.
From visiting my family in Northern Germany we went on a road-trip to the South. I got to meet four of my SoulBizSisters that I had only talked to on Zoom before. Some of them I had known for almost 2 years, but never met in person.
This trip and connecting so deeply with the women, my sisters changed my life. For the first time I really felt that a friendship between women can be very different than what I had ever experienced. I had felt this before with my coach Alexandra who I worked with for almost a year, but this was really an aha moment for me. The unconditional love and support that I felt meeting these ‘sisters’ for the first time was almost magical.
During this trip I also felt more clearly that I want to work with people (more so women) to live a happy life that totally fulfilled them. Inspired by 2 of these women, I felt like asking their coach and mentor, Sarah Antwerpes, if she could think of teaching me too and taking me into her coaching academy.
On the last day of our trip I got the email from her in which she said that she felt very honored that I asked her and that she had more applicants for an apprentice position, but she would love to have me. I almost fell out of my chair when I read this! I can remember it so vividly!
I had not yet talked about this at all with my husband, scared of how he would react. I knew that he thought of ‘coaches’ as a bit suspicious and never really understood their experiences and qualifications. But now Sarah wanted to start her program with me within less than a week and I had no idea if my husband would be on board and if he would agree that it was a great investment into my professional and personal future.
Thankfully he had my back after a couple of talks and going through the whole outline of the program.
I was so excited and sooo scared at the same time! I knew that this wasn’t like any other program in which you learn techniques and try to apply them in your coaching practice. Her program is designed to break you down, to get you naked, to make you hyper aware of what’s going on inside of you and where patterns in your actions come from and how you can live a mindful life, centered around your own choices.
A coach can only be totally in sync and focussed on her client if there is nothing left in her and her past that she is not aware of as her own issues. Otherwise these would come up again and again and would be projected on to her client.
I was ready to go on this exciting and crazy ride into myself. All this with the goal of being able to give back. I want to serve others and support women to change their lives to the better. I had 36 years of experience to get to where I was at that moment and probably 3 years of those were already more intensive in working on my own self development.
I opened up my whole life to her and to myself to go deeper, understand more about what had happened and what I pulled into my life. I learned so much more about myself than I was ever aware of. In the beginning I couldn’t get enough input and was so eager to learn more and more. Then there were times that I just wanted to throw it all down and needed more time to digest what I had just gone through. I felt like drowning in all my issues…
At the end of August, I got clear about what I actually wanted. I had not been so clear for so many years, maybe not ever. For many years I had been at a point that I felt like life happened to me and I enjoy it, but at the end it didn’t really matter at all, I didn’t matter at all. Nobody would remember in the a couple of generations that I was ever here and what do humans matter at all in the whole scope of the universe?
But roughly 4 months ago, I felt clear what I wanted in my life. I wanted to live a balanced life concerning family time and work time (me time). It became clear that our sons need me as much as they need their father. They are boys and as much as I try to give them a well rounded connection to their parent, I will always fail in trying to be their father. In my perfect dream life, my husband and I would share responsibilities in being there for our children and supporting our family with an income. We would have a really deep connection to each other that is fueled by seeing each other whenever we feel like seeing each other. Mini lunch dates between phases of working seem so romantic. At all the freedom to work whenever we wanted and not having to be at an office at normal business hours felt like heaven on earth.
I had no idea how this would be possible for our family at all at this time while my husband had a very well paid job and we were enjoying all the possibilities that came with a good income.
I started questioning how important money really is and if there are other experiences or just a feeling of living life that would be worth more than anything that money can buy.
Through a couple of incidents at my husband’s work, his interest in going to work every day decreased.
We went through a really hard time in our relationship. So many things that I had just let happen to me in the past, I now saw different and with my knowledge today, I would have made different choices. This alone seemed really threatening to my husband while I felt really good about my growth. But it felt like strong pillars of our relationship seemed to disappear for him and we were left with chaos, a bit of uncertainty, but also hope that this would bring us to a whole new level of appreciation for each other and a chance for a new beginning and a deepening of our love for each other.
Fast forward to today: We are in the process of decluttering our lives, our house, all of our belongings. We already started selling almost everything we own. We, as a family will unroot our lives and go on a world trip in 2019. We will live a life of equality. We will balance our time of being there for our children and working on our passions. I will serve women by supporting them to live a life on their own terms and making their big dreams become reality, just like my dreams are coming true.
My hubby will rekindle his love for working creatively. He already envisions himself doing wonderful projects in the field of art and also serving through volunteering in projects all over the world to spread love and make this earth a better place.
I can’t even describe my gratitude of having people in my life that support me in a way, I have never felt loved and supported. 2018 was definitely the year of opening my heart to love and be loved by people that have been in my life for longer, but also by many women that just came into my life recently.
I am so thankful to have such a great partner on my side every day. I know how crazy I am sometimes and how overwhelming my need for adventure can be. But he is the absolute perfect lover who is always open for improvement and who does not shy away from challenges. He loves me so deeply that I feel safe with him and am sure that we will have a wonderful future traveling and beyond. He gives everything for us and his daughters and cares so deeply.
I am also very thankful for all the women that have crossed my path this year who have deepened my trust into humanity and a world in that women can live supporting each other in a way that only women can do. Thank you: Sarah, Annette, Anna, Vera T, Vera Z, Lexi, Katrin, Ellen, Jennifer for being there when I needed you. And thank you to all my clients who put the trust into me to help them through struggles in their lives. I care deeply about you all!
In 2019 I will be ready to connect with even more women. I am ready to take my coaching practice to a new level. I will be able to work while we travel and I can’t wait. And the best thing is that I know that my children will be cared for by their father and not any babysitter that we will have to hire. That just feels perfect!
I am also ready to connect with women in person. The first women’s circle I facilitated already 2 weeks ago. In 2019 I am planning on offering a monthly circle in Providence until we will leave for our trip.
Please get in touch with me when you feel like I can support you in one-on-one coaching sessions and also please join me for a women’s circle.
Next one will be on January 27 at Jala Yoga Studio in Providence. Please register following the link: https://annikahaymancoaching.com/womens-circle/
I can’t wait to connect with you!
Now that this is all out, I feel ready for 2019! Cheers!
With so much love and gratitude, aNNika <3