I’ve been unschooling my children for the past 3 years. Since everybody is all of a sudden thrown in the boat of homeschooling or distance learning, I’d like to share some things that have made our lives very easier and full of fun.
Firstly, for all of you who are unfamiliar with the term of unschooling… When I took my son out of Kindergarten over 3 years ago, I thought we would be doing school at home, at least for part of the day… which would be homeschooling. It’s doing school at home. Following the same curricula or a different one that they use at school and doing it at home.
We tried that and it got clear very quickly that it didn’t work for us. Noah didn’t want to do what I wanted him to accomplish, like writing ten words a day or ready one page in a small book or so… I wasn’t interested and he didn’t want me to pressure him.
The more I tried to make him do it, the more pressure I put on him, the more he closed down and fought me.
Very quickly I understood that our connection to each other was in jeopady if I kept up what we were doing. And I believe that a strong bond between mother and child is the most important thing during a kid’s childhood. A child needs to feel secure and safe to be able to grow up confidently.
I had taken him out of school because I felt like me sending him there where he didn’t want to be and spending much less time with him, was causing us to fight and disagree already, so I wasn’t going to make this the new cause of loosing our connection.
We started unschooling. Unschooling means that all education is child led. The student or better the person is in charge of his own learning and I am there to accommodate this for him. If he is interested in wolverines (which Noah was when we started), I took him to the library to get tons of books about wolverines that we read at home. He watched videos and documentaries. He painted and drew wolverines… And we are talking about the animal that is from the weasel family, not a movie character! So, we learned about the animal itself, the habitat, where they live in the world. We looked on a map to see which would be the nearest place, we could see one. We calculated how many wolverines could live in Rhode Island because they have pretty big habitats and RI is pretty small…
It became so clear to me that whatever kids learn in school like reading, writing, art, science, biology, geography …. all can be done in one project like this and it feels so much better to the kid when is it in charge of all this and is naturally learning about things that he is really interested in.
I totally understand that school teachers at usual public schools don’t have the capacity to do this for every child in a class of 25-30 students in today’s time, especially not with younger children…
But this is the chance I see for children to grow up naturally and in charge of their own body and mind. We’ve never gone back to any oder ‘schooling’. Sometimes the boys are interested in doing an online learning to read or math program or so, but I do not push them. I do not quiz them and I do not compare them to children that are visiting a normal school.
All kids are so different and it’s just a big waste to try to compare and to grade children which doesn’t them good any way.
So, there are learning opportunities everywhere in our lives! We don’t need to divide living into ‘educational’ and ‘uneducational’ stuff. Kids learn in every single situation that they are present and just living live. If they are set free, they would be totally bored not learning anything. I love to learn! They love to figure out stuff! They learn through every connection to other people. They navigate through social interactions while never trying to never loose themselves. They are just wonderful and I am s honored to watch them grow every single day at home with me.
Now that you are probably sitting there at home with your child(ren) isolating, because of the coronsvirus. The schools gave out a bunch of worksheets and stuff that your kids are supposed to work through while the schools are closed.
What a scary situation we are in at the moment! Our children are taken out of their usual routine. They are not allowed to see their friends any more… They feel how uncertain everything is, how scared you are as their parent. They feel the collective energy…
There is no room for learning when a mind doesn’t feel secure and relaxed, please keep this in mind. You probably remember this from your school experience when a teacher stands in front of you and you have absolutely no idea what the answer is to his question and by putting pressure on you, you just feel totally stuck and numb… We shut down. Fight or Flight…
Now, how cool that you have your kids at home in such a panicy time! What a great opportunity to bond with them, give them this safety and closeness they need. When have you last really thought about the connection to your child? Do you both feel comfortable with each other talking about everything and anything? Do you treat each other with respect? What do you like to do for quality time? How does she/he feel loved? All these questions that you can explore together!
My suggestion is that you spend lot of time for the above. Do it every day for the whole time being isolated and maybe you find routines to keep it even after the crisis are over.
How about the school work?
Don’t take it too heavy! As I said, kids learn every single second of their lives. Let them play. Let them figure things out. Have fun. Make decisions together about when and what they want to work on and what they don’t want to do. Find out why they don’t want to do some work, maybe there is a blockage that can be crushed? Maybe you find for yourself that it’s a waste to spend time on certain tasks that they schools want their students to do. Be honest with your child. That’s how you model questioning things and not just doing out of fear or habit… There is so much to learn just around the topic or ‘am I going to do the work or not?’
Selfcare is sooo important in this time. Human beings are social creatures. Imprisoning us at our homes is hard for our minds! It’s numbing us when we feel like we are stuck. It’s makes us feel stuck in our minds too, but we don’t have to feel this way. If we keep up taking care of our body and mind in ways that are possible at home, we can keep being active and grow in many ways.
Of course, I have had days when I thought that I go crazy being at home with my children. I mean, just homeschooling them and not having my alone time at home that I would have had sending them to school. But as long as I make a point that I need my undisturbed meditation and workout in the mornings, 1-2 hours to work and sometimes a half hour to meditate again in the afternoons, I get through this nourished and not totally depleted. I consciously enjoy bonding times with each child and talk to them when I feel like I need to take care of myself. They got used to this and they also feel when I am absent minded and not really with them.
They want me to be present with them and feel my whole unconditional love and to give that to them, I need to make sure that I love myself unconditionally first.
Please let me know your struggles. I don’t think that his is a one-time thing. We will experience these lockdowns more in the future, I am pretty sure. So, let’s make the best of this situation and watch it with open curious eyes and an open heart (like a child). Be creative to make yourself feel great.
With much love and gratitude, Annika <3