Last week in my session with my coach I realized how important it is for me to relax a bit. I feel like my life is one giant construction site right now and I am not getting any clarity in my own chaos, if I keep trying to search for more answers on the outside…. I touched this topic a bit in my last post. But there is much more to this.
I feel like I am addicted to finding more ways to keep growing and since I feel like I could grow in so many areas of my life, I feel totally overwhelmed already by the question of where to start.
This makes my male, goal oriented energy step into high gear which means for me, that I want to take out my sword or machete to fight my way through everything and everybody, straight to the goal, usually my newly found belief of a perfect life(style).
You can probably already imagine how that has been going 😉
[ I am really grateful to be able to have somebody take care of my children two mornings a week, so that I can have time to myself and time for my coaching business. I am on fire to do things for my business. I love coaching and creating new clients while writing blog posts, going out and talking to people and such, but I need to find time to actually balance myself too. I will not be able to serve if my cup is empty and at the end I was exhausted last week and still wanted to write a post. But about what?]
I decided that instead of going to an appointment for a family constellation, I just had to go out on the water and get a free mind. Too many construction sites in my life, left my mind crazy busy and totally overwhelmed.
For me it’s paddle boarding that totally fills up my cup. It gives me a sense of freedom, total unity with nature and the universe. Working with the wind and the waves considers intelligence, balance and knowledge. It’s like a meditation for me, because I need to be totally focused in the moment. It feels like the wind blows all the thoughts away and leaves me clear and energized.
So, I got on the water instead of worrying about what to do next for my business, with the only expectation to just enjoy myself out there.
And then something totally beautiful happened.
After being comfortable out there in the wind and choppy waters and going back and forth from the right to the left on our little town beach, I saw this buoy out there in the water and thought I wanted to make it a challenge to get there. I estimate that it was about 50 feet away from me, against the wind. I put my paddle in hard and it almost knocked me off my board. I had to that day never fallen off my board, so that scared me a bit. I tried it again, same thing happened. Since the wind was pretty strong and the currants a bit crazy too, I made a plan on how to actually get there. So, I tried to zickzack my way up there. No luck.
I went all the way to the right trying to go hard up on the wind and I went crazy far away from it… I made my way back, but still passed by it… I treid to go straight again and almost fell again! I overshot it and tried to go hard again to the right, but somehow the wind curled funny in the bay on the beach there… Somehow I did make it after a while.
Then it hit me. It was like this thought of enlightenment that hits you, totally out of the blue. I almost laughed out loud. With a big smile in my face, I listened to this voice in my head saying:
See, Annika, this is real life! You need to put away your sword and stop running through the walls head first! See, how life knocks you over when you try to go straight to your goal?! You made it, you got to your buoy, but it took you a couple of attempts and your path at the end was not at all a straight one, rather a zickzack, half circle, quater circle, zickzack path, but it go you there at the end. You worked with the waves, you worked with the wind and your ability of paddling and steering your board. All things beautifully in harmony brought you to your goal. You are allowed to trust the process!
Life is not a big struggle or fight. It’s goes in waves (maybe zickzacks), but you’ll get whatever you want and wherever you want, when you are ready to let go of the thought that the straight and fast path is the best for you.
Since then I have been more aware of surrendering myself to the universe and the process when I feel the resistance that I create in others with my live-changing ideas. I have gotten more calm since last week and feel like focussing on one construction site at a time, without overwhelming myself too much.
A big focus if surely to find ways to feel like being on the water paddle boarding during my day to day, without actually being on a board 🙂
I feel like driving in my car with loud music on comes close to where I can fill my cup. But it’s not so much uniting with nature, rather the flow of the street 😉 Walking my dogs in the woods is definitely out there. I will find more ways to relax my mind … I am sure.
But to be able to be on the water for a bit longer this year, I ordered myself a wetsuit. I am very exited about this and will enjoy more of these great life sessions on the water and I am sure that more ideas for blog posts will develop on my mind out there. If I make space in my mind, things will come to me without effort.
I am getting back into the flow of life.
With much love and gratitude and the desire to surrender even more,
aNNika <3