This will be the first blog post on my new website that I am about to create for my coaching business. Older posts can be found on my other website www.nonimadewithlove.com.
I am really excited to give my passion of seeing the world through my unique eyes more space right here 🙂
In the past couple of weeks I felt my whole being and my way of living life was shaken. I feel like I went through a growth spurt that included quite the growing pains.
With the help of my coach I have been working on understanding my life experiences better. I feel like I have always been very aware of what was going on around me and how things were affecting me, but now I got to an even higher level of understanding what my part was and is in much of the patterns that I put myself in.
I think, so often, we human beings feel like life is happening to us and other people do us no good and do things to us. We forget that we are creative beings and that we can and do create our life. Even if we think that people do things to us, we have a part in this too!
It might be rather unconsciously that we are attracting people or things into our life that don’t serve us, but we have a part in this equation.
I think many us have felt like this before, when we end up in a situation and think: Oh yeah, now this is happening again! I’ve been here before. Why is this always happing to me?
I am talking about something like feeling unappreciated in a relationship or in a job or so, but just take this feeling of unappreciation. You seem to always end up with somebody who doesn’t appreciate you for what you are or what you do…
This has become a pattern in your life and unless you work through this and find the cause behind this feeling, you will always experience it again. It’s like the universe is sending you this challenge to get yourself together and grow until you don’t feel unappreciated anymore.
Just like this there are so many other examples of people attracting partners that will bring the same feelings or triggers up, until these patterns were resolved.
And there are so many causes for feeling unappreciated. Many beliefs were already established at a very young age. It could be that your parents were emotionally unavailable to see you and be there for you, even if they were present. It could be that people have told you too many times that you are not right the way you are or that your work is never good enough, which also often happens at a young age, usually at school. It could be so many other things and experiences….which slowly let your self-esteem dwindle.
At the core of the problem stands that you don’t appreciate yourself for what you are and what you do. So, how could anybody else show this to you? And right here would be a point were healing can take place and where new beliefs about yourself can be build.
And all of a sudden you feel like a newborn. You get back into your ‘old’ world and things around you start to change because your beliefs inside of you have changed.
You might actively want to change things on the outside too, because you are aware of your patterns that don’t serve you anymore!
And that’s how I felt a couple of weeks ago. I felt totally energized and enthusiastic about all these things that I learned about myself. I was on a high, I felt like.
But because I am the kind of person who wants to fix everything as fast as I can and as efficient as it could be, I created a lot of pressure against me, inside of myself and in my family.
You know how this is, change is a big problem for most of us and I include myself too. Change is scary when you don’t totally stand behind it. There is this big unknown on the other side. Where will you end up, leaving your secure now and going through drastic changes?
So, for example I totally threw myself into decluttering our whole house. And this optimally within a 10 day period. I thought that the result would be great clarity and calmness and openness, emptiness…and all this for new things to come. And for peace of mind when everything was organized and neat.
I totally exhausted myself with this task and I could feel how my body and soul were telling me to stop and take it easy, but I didn’t listen. I was so eager to get to the result that I forgot to take care of myself in this whole process. Some days I even forgot to eat lunch! I turned into a mean mom and wife, because I was so focussed on getting to the finish line, I totally ignored my family’s needs of wanting me present for them.
At some point I just had to let go. I had to give in and understand that my goal oriented eagerness and craziness about the result didn’t serve me and my family at all. I tried to let go of the strict time restrictions that I put myself in and had to invite trust.
Trust into myself, that I would still declutter the house at a pace that was ok for everybody and trust that I don’t have to impress anyone, also not me, doing this crazy work in such a short time.
But there are also other things that I want to change in my life to feel even more free and fulfilled. I really want to embrace building my coaching practice. The work with the women I have done so far, has given me so much energy. It’s funny, but it’s actually true, serving people feels so good and really fills one’s cup when you do it from your heart. Therefore I need time for myself and my coaching… changes are coming up in our family structure, just to facilitate me being able to serve women and maybe also man.
Through many talks with my husband, my coaches and my decluttering experience, I am now trying to trust the process of creating my life the way it is serving me most. I trust that I don’t have to radically change everything in a day or two. I have the awareness of what needs to be done, but I don’t need to overrun everybody, nor myself with my enthusiasm and energy.
And finally coming to my headline and question of enlightenment or midlife crisis… I think, it doesn’t really matter what you want to call it! I think enlightenment sounds much more positive… but at the end, when you understand what has been going wrong and you want to change something, then go ahead and do so! Don’t hold back and drown in your past and patterns from the past that don’t serve you anymore.
If you can’t figure out what’s really holding you back or what the cause is for your stuckness, talk to somebody and find out more about it. There are many ways to find help.
I am here to support you too!
Please let me know if you would like to experience a coaching session with me and we can figure out if I can support you on your way out of stuckness and into healing.
With much love, aNNika <3