We’ve in in Ho Chi Minh City for 10 days and it’s been quite interesting.
Just getting here was a little bit of a problem, because my husband needed a visa (as an American) that we missed to get before we went to the airport at Phuket. And just a day before arriving our Airbnb was cancelled.
But as things always work out, we managed to get here and rented much better option of apartment than we would have stayed at. This one has an oven, a fitness studio and a pool which the other one wouldn’t have had!
I must say, I arrived here with mixed feelings. I was open to experience a new country, a new city, new people,… But I was scared of being in a big city with no beach or nature for me to retrieve to when I felt like it.
And yes, there is no way to escape the city noises and the smog. The air quality is really bad. You just open a window, even on the 10th floor and the smell of scooter exhaust fumes enters your nose immediately.
When you walk the city, you need to fear about your life as scooters don’t just drive on the street, but also on the sidewalks. Traffic lights are optional too, it seems. So, all your senses need to be awake, if you want to make it safely from point A to point B!
It is definitely a test for me to not feel totally overwhelmed and just quitting and wanting to be away from all of this hustle and bustle.
8 months of traveling have definitely taught me that I can be ok wherever I am. When I think back to our stay in Madagascar, where life there kicked me in my ass and made me fall into a hole of self pity or even Bamford, UK…
I definitely feel so much more grown up now! I guess, I can call myself a mature traveler now. And not even just a traveler.
I feel like a different person. Times when I fall into this pit of thinking that everything on the outside is just not right and that I can’t live with it, are getting rare. I might still complain a bit about the smog or the weather, but my inside is still not that affected any more!
I feel this every morning when I meditate. For the past 3-4 months I had such a difficult time to calm my mind. It seemed like running around in my head and whirling like a twister.
For the past week especially I have been able to stretch my meditations to 35-40 minutes again and feeling focussed and with it.
In my daily life this also makes a big difference. I stay calmer and fairer with my children and my husband. I am much more conscious about what’s triggering me when I fall back into listening to my monkey mind. There are times when I don’t even notice that my kids are obnoxiously loud or fighting with each other. I trust them to figure it out and I trust other’s to step up if my kids are really bothering them.
I don’t feel like I am reactive all the time which feels really good.
I’ve been taking the time I need in the mornings for my morning routine of meditation and working out. I found out that listening to very loud emotionally loaded music while running on the treadmill brings me into my feminine, playful energy like nothing else.
I’ve been rocking in and kind of dancing while running and having the time of my life while not caring at all if somebody is watching. I feel like when I am in a good mood in a fitness studio, even if others might laugh about me, I would still higher their energy for the better.
I think that a different place that would be much calmer wouldn’t have brought me back so deep into my own heart’s desire as Saigon has done in the past week.
Because of the great contrasts between old and dirty vs. new and modern, poverty and big expensive cars, crazy traffic vs. the beautiful sun rises and sun sets from our window, aggressive driving scooter drivers vs. our sweet host who invited us to her daughter’s birthday party…, I can handle the craziness on the outside with a very balanced and conscious inside world of mine.
There is this place inside that I can easily access at the moment where everything is calm and balanced, everything is love and seems to flow.
I can also notice how I step from masculine into my feminine much more easily than ever before. When I step out into the streets of Ho Chi Minh it’s about survival. I step into my masculine energy to be able to cross the streets. The goal is to cross and nothing else matters. All senses on the goal…especially when I am with my children and I not only have to get myself safely to the other side, but also have the responsibility to care for their safety.
When I do this for too long though, it really exhausts me! I have never felt so clearly when my heart wishes for a change of pace and energy.
For so many years I overrode this voice that tells me enough (!). I’m just thinking of traveling with two little kids on transatlantic flights between the US and Germany…. It all seemed like I could do it and it shouldn’t be exhausting… I wasn’t very nice to myself!
Now I know better. I take care of myself and when have get the feeling of ‘right now I need something different’, I do my best to do exactly that.
In practice it would look like this: We need to get out of a place, like a museum or market or so… immediately and instead find a park, a playground, a café or just home to relax and reenergise. If I am alone with the kids, we play a round of Uno together at a Starbucks or I just ask them to please play something by themselves for me to just loose myself in social media for a couple of minutes, chat with a friend on WhatsApp or take a short meditations. When my husband is with us, I ask him to take over to give me some alone time, either at home or I go to a café or park by myself.
This is self-love. I am taking care of myself and give me the love and attention that my heart is calling for. It feels really good to be at this point where my inner voice, my intuition is clearly communicating with me again. Or better said, the voices in my head are quieted down so much and I am willing the listen to what’s good for me. I neglected myself for too many years. Now I feel awake and full of love for myself and others.
How do you feel about yourself? How loud is your intuition speaking to you? Are you listening?
Much Love, Annika <3