I encounter this over and over again, that so many of us are burning out and feel depleted and stressed, because their cups of love and compassion are empty and they are running on reserve or even lower.
I had to learn it myself, that it’s not okay to feel empty all the time because of caring for others. Especially us women are the ones who usually take care of our children or other people and are in a nurturing role all the time.
But how can you nurture when you don’t feel nurtured yourself? Where is the nurturing ‘nutrition’ coming from when there is nothing left?
Still society mostly tells us that mom is in charge of the children and the household and possibly work and the father is away working all day to take care of the family financially. It happens that both adults follow a very goal oriented agenda all day. If the woman stays at home with the children, the goal is to take care of all their needs, nurture them with love and compassion, feed them, take them to whatever classes or fun things they need to go and then take care of the household in between. At the end of the day the husband comes home and would like to enjoy a happy time with his family and maybe some more alone time with his wife…
So, what I am trying to say is, that the woman is pouring out love and compassion and selflessness of her cup all day long. And it gets empty even quicker when she is acting in her masculine energy most of the day. At least for me it seems against my inner purpose when I can’t let myself flow freely all day long, but instead have to follow a strict schedule and get to certain goals that are set by others or myself.
But when is the cup filled back up? At night during couple of sleeping hours? No, that’s not enough. The cup does not just get filled by time.
The cup needs to actively be filled!
So how does someone fill his or her cup?
The way to fill up the cup differs from person to person. I can share what works for me, but these suggestions might sound totally crazy to some people and I encourage everybody to find her own strategies. It might take a while to figure out what really works, but when you found some things, they will become your lifesavers.
I think the number one cup filler for me is getting grounded in nature or just experience nature, especially wind and water. I love to swim and feel the quiet of the water when I dive. It’s like a meditation for me and all focus goes inside and I feel like part of the water.
I love to paddle board and feel the strength of the waves under me and the wind around me. It’s like I am melting into this dance of wind and water and I have to totally be in the now to not fall off the board, it’s like a calculation of the wave’s movement under me. I’m becoming one with the nature forces.
Meditation and focusing on myself that way, healing trauma and wounds and finding answers that I am looking for, fills my cup up.
That said, I don’t only find answers by myself, I also connect to my coach or friends to work though things that need clarity that are clouding my head. Getting a coaching is selfcare and selflove.
I want to challenge that everything that gets me out of my head and into my heart, probably helps to fill my cup of love.
I love the wind around me. Since I was young, I’ve always enjoyed speed that made me feel the air in my face. I raced down hills with my bike or on roller blades. I am looking over the ocean right now and I feel the want to go windsurfing. Maybe next week!
There is this nature element that really gets me, but also a bit of a risk factor that makes me feel alive and really enjoy myself. Everything that feels good to you, fills up your cup.
For me it’s really important to be in solitude after caring for others. I am an introvert, so too much time with too many people totally overwhelms me. Just too many people, too many different energies and needs make me tired. I don’t want to say that I am an empath, but I am very sensitive and I do take on people’s energies sometimes which can be very confusing.
But even when not alone, I need the feeling of not being in charge and not being interrupted to meet other people’s needs for a while to fill up my cup.
It could be reading, sewing, gardening, taking a bath, writing, enjoying a healthy meal or just a drink, like a smoothie or fresh juice, that gets me back grounded and balanced.
Don’t get me wrong, all the things mentioned above, I can really enjoy doing with others, like my family too, but to really be able to fill up my cup, I need to focus on myself and do these things alone. It’s about feeling myself and connect back to my soul.
Why is it so important to fill the cup?
Parenting or spending time with my husband coming from a place of love, becomes very difficult when my cup of love and compassion is depleted.
I then act from my head and am more in my masculine energy than being able to stay in my heart. That causes disconnection, arguments and feelings of disharmony. I can’t be there and nurture others when I am exhausted and tired and much rather want to curl up somewhere in bed and be alone. To be able to be in my feminine power, in flow with my life, I need to take care of me and have my needs met first, before I can be there 100 percent for others.
Otherwise I am always struggling with wishing my needs were met, thinking about what would be ok to ask for during times of being in charge of my children or just not feeling myself. I am only there 50 percent or less and can’t stay in the moment.
I want to be able to be in the moment. Always. With my children and with my husband.
And only when I feel balanced, grounded and centered I am able to stay in the flow, in my feminine. And this way I can also have an amazing magnetically charged relationship with my masculine husband. No clashing anymore of two people in their masculine energies.
The same, but a little different it looks like for my business. I am able to be there for my clients when I feel grounded, open and clear about myself and my personal topics that I am still working on. It’s super important that I can be there a hundred percent for them and don’t get triggered by anything they share with me. My work is a very intuitive, nurturing, sometimes intense, but loving process. I need a full cup before going into a session and at the same time I usually get out of the coaching sessions even more energized. I love what I do and I love this kind of work that is very rewarding. It’s absolutely amazing to support a human being through times of unclarity and cloudiness and see her come out reborn as a seemingly different person.
How about men’s selfcare?
I talked a lot about the woman’s view of selfcare. I am positive that men also need time to recharge, time to ground themselves. In society men are often reduced to the person who works and is successful in taking care of their families financially. There is this image of a man being back from work in the evening drinking beer and watching soccer on TV to chill out. Maybe that’s my german kind of view, but men do need to chill out too, and nowadays even more so, they need and want to connect to their souls and passions to also be able to have deep and meaningful relationships to their wives and children.
Most men are much more sensitive and intuitive than we give them credit for. This more feminine side of them needs nurturing too! I would love if men could connect to their souls and figure out what their values are in life and what’s important to them. It’s not always good to believe in the saying Happy Wife, Happy Life!
Men, it’s not all about the women!! If they can figure out how they can be balanced, they need a balanced masculine man who they can be attracted to! And if you don’t take care of yourself and meet her in a needy, clingy state or just want to make everything right for her, there will be no ecstatic fire burning between you two!
Selfcare is not just for women. It’s coming up so much more, because women took even less care of themselves than man did, but a grounded, fulfilled man sounds very attractive to me 😉
I guess, I could do some more research on this, but what I’ve heard is that it’s really good for guys to spend time with guy friends and do some really masculine things, like making fire or so…like things from the caveman days… maybe watching UFC fights is one of these modern men things. Working out, competitions of any kind come to my mind as very masculine. Men, let me know what works for you, if you are still reading on and I haven’t lost you yet.
Isn’t is super selfish to think about myself?
I think women have always been seen as selfless, because their specialty is to take care of others. But, come on!? It’s the 21st century and everything I wrote about above is making it a very selfless selfishness if a person thrives to be her best to be able to take care of others in an even better sustainable way! Things have changed, we are living longer lives and if we only care for others and not for us, we will be dying young. Life in itself is not that hard anymore. We aren’t doing bodily work anymore. But to cope with these changes mentally, we need to be on top of it! Selfcare is one of the most important component to a healthy fulfilled life. If we don’t gift ourselves the attention and love that we need and are craving for, we won’t be able to give love or attention to anybody else. This is the time to go deep! If we want to have deep relationships with our partners, we need to connect to yourselves in the same deep ways and know exactly who we are. Only if we spend time with ourselves, we will be able to do that.
I am really happy that my husband and I have figured out a schedule that we are on right now, where we each have time to work on our passions and on our selfcare. Today is my whole day that I have to myself and I am balancing it by exploring the island of Lanzarote, writing this blog, relaxing at the beach, enjoying the sun, meditating, having fun while riding an e-scooter and connecting with friends. This should be enough to fill my cup up, to be able to be present with my family tonight and at our family day tomorrow.
Let me know what you do to fill up your cup and also, what’s holding you back to spend time with yourself and taking care of yourself?
Much love and gratitude,
aNNika <3